its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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