ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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