Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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