FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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