I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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