After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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