I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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