Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
