That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
