Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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