I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize