I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
