You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
