____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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