oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
