6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
