just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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