it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
