she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
