He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
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I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
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Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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