I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
