youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
