grandma shit on top of the toilet
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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