did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
