yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
