I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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