I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
So many bounce houses so little time
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
