this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
