Who wears a wallet chain?!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
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She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
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I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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