you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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