I look better un-naked...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We are two peas in an std pod
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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