i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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