Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
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