There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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