So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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