the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
