Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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