I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
