Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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