so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
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Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
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if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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