the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
never play flip cup with pint glasses
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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