He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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