"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
