my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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