I must be too annoying 4 u.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
