Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
