would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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