No stitches, just platelets and will power
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
