pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
