I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
