I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Randomize
