i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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