She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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