Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
