two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
