Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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