having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
