I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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