I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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