Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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