just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize