In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
