He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
