Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
