Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
