WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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