WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
