If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
