i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
