My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
