I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
