He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
