I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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