Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
