Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
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