there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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