I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
