Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
