Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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