why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
