a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
